paper 1 question 1
a)
04/19/2020
Dear French President,
I am writing to inform you on the future of our planet. We all remember the devastation that the Notre-Dame tragedy brought onto the entire world. When the fire had started, every nation knew within minutes. I believe that Notre-Dame was a truly historic cathedral in Paris and will always be remembered.
However, the world’s Amazon rainforest is burning. Fires have been destroying one of the world’s most crucial, natural landmarks, and no one knew for weeks. It should be questioned as to why Notre-Dame surpassed what is currently unfolding in the Amazon. When did you first find out, Mr. French President? A week ago? A few days ago? Did you see it on Twitter? Once the world finally learned about the forests, hashtags and tweets have been trending ever since.
The Amazon rainforest covers over 5.5 million square kilometers with around 16,000 tree species and 390 billion individual trees; even 2.5 million species of insects. The Amazon is known as ‘the lungs of the Earth’. Mr. French President, while Notre-Dame was a great catastrophe, we need to show people that what’s happening in the Amazon is much greater. It is the future of our planet.
b)
The overall format, structure, and language of the news report differs greatly from the letter written to the president of France. The format of the news report is structured very informatively. There is a headline used for the text that leaves readers intrigued and wondering what the ‘most recent disaster’ is and how it has ‘divided the internet’. The author makes sure to not add any personal opinion to the article as it would derive from its purpose. In doing so, the author uses very short paragraphs, some being only one sentence. For example, the second paragraph consists only of, ‘The world was made aware of the catastrophe within three minutes of the first flame.’ By doing this, the author is able to grab the reader's attention with sentences, such as the previous example, to really show an emphasis on how important the matter is. The longest paragraph in the text includes the prime focus of the article; another fire. Once again, the author is able to make readers feel more towards the events. The format of the news report allows the author to get their facts across in a simple, yet effective way.
My letter is much different compared to the news report. Firstly, I begin with the date of the letter, as well as ‘Dear French President’. This begins my response much more personal than the news report. My letter is also made up of fewer, yet much longer paragraphs. My first paragraph begins with ‘I am writing to inform you’, showing that not only is the letter in the first person, but it is going to be much more personal. By doing this, I am showing more emotion than the news report.
The structure of the news report is written in chronological order from the events at Notre-Dame and how the reactions of the public differ to those of the Amazon fires. Yet, the author still maintains speaking in past tense. The author begins with Notre-Dame, then begins to talk about the Amazon fires as a way to show comparison between the two events. The author gets right to the point in the first paragraph, mentioning the fire that ‘tore through Notre-Dame’ and the donations that ‘poured in’. The author continues briefly on Notre-Dame, then asks the readers ‘Why?’, referring to why everything they had previously mentioned matters. Then, the author discusses the Amazon fires and how the public took much too long to find out about them. Here, the author is also including facts such as ‘20 percent of the oxygen’ and 249,000 tweets.
The structure shown in the news report is much more factual than the letter. It is chronologically written to allow readers to gain a better understanding of the tragedies in order to learn more on the real issues at hand. In comparison, the letter talks about Notre-Dame more as an event in the past, as well as including personal opinions. In my letter, I mention, ‘I believe that Notre-Dame was a truly historic cathedral.’ By doing this, I am sharing my thoughts on the past events in order to get into the future. Therefore, my second paragraph begins with, ‘However, the world’s Amazon rainforest is burning.’ This structure was created for the President to see my views on the subject, as well as try to inform them more on the true issues at stake.
The language between the two pieces are very different. The news report includes no opinions, only facts. It includes phrases like ‘In fact’ and ‘it is considered’ to show that the author has no personal input within the text. This allows the reader to have a better understanding of the issues without personal interest clouding the true facts. The author even askes the readers ‘Why?’ as a way of introducing the Amazon fires. The language also includes words such as ‘catastrophe’ and ‘backlash’ to grab the reader's attention without adding personal input.
However, the letter is made up of almost all personal input. I use the phrase ‘I believe’ to make sure the President knows my view on the subject and can persuade him into doing something about the fires. I also included a personal question directed towards the president, being, ‘When did you first find out, Mr. French President?’ By doing this, I am showing how I see the issue. I then continue with the follow-up questions, ‘A week ago? A few days ago? Did you see it on Twitter?’ This allows readers to see the way I feel about the delay in receiving the information and how I believe the President sees it.
a) AO1:
ReplyDeleteThere was a detailed understanding of the text and reference to characteristic features. You properly addressed the issue at hand towards the French President and even used statistics to further your point. However, I would suggest using less of the same words that the news report used.
AO2:
Since your audience was the French President, there was a need to speak formally and use language that sounded sophisticated. Also, I really liked the way you included questions as it engages the President and causes them to think. As they have a position of authority, they have the power to do something about the issue at hand.
Score: 7/10
b) AO1
You did a great job at comparing both your letter and the news report. It was also very organized since you spoke about format first, then structure, then language. Each paragraph includes a detailed description of the significance of the words selected.
AO3
Although there was some explanation as to how the audience is involved, I felt that there could have been a deeper discussion. For example, I suggest mentioning the atmosphere that specific words created and the tone.
Score: 11/15
Total: 18/25
A
ReplyDeleteAO1: You had a clear understanding of the text. You knew who your audience was and also knew the context. You started your blog off great in terms of form. You put the date and ‘Dear’ but you forgot to put ‘Sincerely,’ at the end.
AO2: There weren’t any errors and if there were, they did not impede communication. All content is relevant and you did not go off task once. I felt as though there could have been a more clear transition between the last two paragraphs.
Score: 7/10 marks
B
AO1: You had a very detailed comparative understanding of the two texts. You knew who the audience was and the context. You had effective quotes from both texts.
AO3: You had a detailed analysis of form, structure and language. You had a clear analysis of the writer’s stylistic choices. You answered the ‘why’ and gave examples to back up your point.
Score: 12/15 marks
Overall Score: 19/25 marks
Dear Caitlyn,
ReplyDeleteAO1: Your letter showed a clear sophisticated understanding of the text. This is shown by writing to the correct audience (the French president), this is displayed by directly addressing the audience, and writing in the correct tones to convey your message properly. For example “Mr. French President?” and using second-person narrative throughout the letter. An understanding of context and audience is shown by the idea inference that the president would’ve already known about this, due to Twitter, and the overall social media craze.
The characteristic features are accurately referenced, with beginning the letter with ‘Dear’ and providing the date at the very top. However, the only thing missing is some kind of sendoff statement, such as “sincerely”, or “love”. (Although when addressing the president the first would be best.) Because of this, I have to give you 4 marks for AO1.
AO2: Your letter showed sophisticated expression with a high-level expression with a high level of accuracy. For example, “It should be questioned as to why Notre Dame surpassed” you used high-level lexis when describing the event to the French president. You were able to stray away from any rambling and kept the topic focused and precise. You mentioned all key events of the text, for example, “Notre Dame was a truly historic” and “the lungs of the Earth”.
AO1: You showed a sophisticated understanding of both texts, by providing proper context and making clear references to the ideal audience of both the letter and the new report. For example, “The format of the news report is structured very informatively” and when discussing your letter, “This begins my response much more personal than the news report”. Throughout your Part b, there was a clear and equal analysis of both sides.
AO3: You showed sophisticated elements of form, structure and language. This is shown when comparing the timelines between the two articles and an explanation of why this was done. For example, “The structure of the news report is written in chronological order” from here you provide a detailed explanation of why it is in chronological form and further link this back to your previous paragraphs on emotion within the text. Sophisticated of how the writers stylistic choices relate to audience and shape meaning, is shown below in you explanation. For example, “to allow readers to gain a better understanding of the tragedies in order to learn more on the real issues at hand.”