Paper 2, Question 1
Coming to Marco Island Academy
Don’t Be Nervous
Coming to a new school can be intimidating. You don’t know anyone and everything around you is new and unfamiliar. While these feelings may make you not want to attend, Marco Island Academy will welcome you in every way. MIA is going to be your home now, so make yourself comfortable! There is no need for you to feel anxious or scared. MIA is a family and will help you in any way you need.
What do you Really Need?
When coming to a new school, it is important for you to be prepared. MIA is an A-rated academically advanced school, but don’t let that fear you. Most classes have everything you need; such as paper, pencils, pens and highlighters, etc. The best thing for you to do is plan on having a notebook and binder for every class. This will help you stay organized and less stressed. Always keep a pencil on you as well.
Proud to be a Ray!
MIA is full of clubs, sports, and all types of activities. You have to get involved! It will allow you to make new friends and connect with your peers. Going to games is always so much fun. MIA also has activities such as the Festival of Nations.
Your First Week
The most difficult part of your first week will be staying confident and dedicated. With high expectations at MIA, keeping good grades while still enjoying school can be difficult, but you can never give up on yourself.
Future Advice
The best thing you can do is walk in on your first day with your head held high. Don’t be intimidated by teachers or students; you are greatly welcomed here! Classes can get difficult, but you will always be able to reach out and get help whenever you need. In general, school is stressful and terrifying, but MIA will allow you to thrive. Three weeks from now, you will be walking into your first day of school at MIA with confidence and a smile.
Part B:
My aim with the leaflet was to inform readers about the good things about MIA while also giving advice. Being a leaflet, it was necessary to provide as much quality information in the short paragraphs. The leaflet should also include sub-headings as that is the general structure of the format. Due to this, the text is made up of guidance facts, not including any visual imagery or extensive use of the different parts-of-speech. Also, the leaflet was written in the second person to allow the new students to feel spoken too. I used terms such as ‘this will help you’ and ‘you can never give up’ to show directly towards the reader that they are the subject.
The audience, being new students and their first week back at school, I made sure to include good things about the school, as well as feeling that the new student could possibly be feeling. In the first paragraph, I show this by including the phrase ‘You don’t know anyone’ and ‘welcome you in every way’. The language used in the leaflet is informal as the audience are young adults who may be feeling a great amount of emotion. By including this, it can be assumed that the audience is feeling more comfortable about coming to the new school after reading the leaflet. Another aspect of making the audience feel comfortable can be seen with the sub-headings. These include words that will also help the reader feel better about the up-coming weeks. For example, the first sub-heading is ‘Don’t be Nervous’. With all of this, the leaflet provides information about the school itself. I include things like 'MIA is an A-rated academically advanced school' and a brief mentioning of the 'Festival of Nations' to show why the school is enjoyable.
For AO2, I would give you eleven marks. You wrote an effective, creative, and appropriate leaflet perfect for the aimed audience. You began with the heading, ‘Coming to Marco Island Academy’, and followed up with other subheadings which fit the criteria for a leaflet. Your subheadings highlighted advice, and the first week which were both included in the prompt; ‘Don’t be Nervous,’ ‘Your First Week’, ‘Future Advice.’
ReplyDeleteYou had a range of language choices with some complex structures and little to no spelling errors. Your text was structured correctly and logically and contained relevant content. The aimed audience, which was incoming students, was engaged and addressed throughout.
For AO3, I would give you four marks. In the first paragraph, you mostly spoke about the leaflet itself and its requirements. Your leaflet included subheadings, guidance facts, and quality information. You articulated how you wrote in second-person to “...to allow the new students to feel spoken too.” In paragraph two, your main focus was on the analysis. The language used was “...informal as the audience are young adults who may be feeling a great amount of emotion.” You also identified the audience – new students – and displayed all the ways you referred to them and gave them advice.
One thing that was lacking from your analysis was words. You only included two paragraphs. You could've written and added so much more information to make it stronger.
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ReplyDelete1a) 8/15 I believe you achieved a level three within your part A. Your part A did include some repetition, in stating the point “don’t be nervous”, but this is okay, as you are trying to get your point across. Your expression was made clear through the use of heading and subtitles, which contributed heavily to your form and structure. I also thought it was great how you engaged the reader within your subtitles by using second person. (“you”) You also did achieve the task but I don’t believe you really tied the prompt in until the end. In the last paragraph you state “Three weeks from now…”, but this is the only time you write about timing. This did still allow you to achieve the task, but it could have been achieved more effectively by tying it back into the prompt after each paragraph.
ReplyDelete1b) 4/10 I feel that your evaluation was very limited. To begin, the structure of your analysis was written in two blocks, which I don’t find very effective. Considering you are tasked to evaluate form, structure and language, there should be at least three paragraphs. You do state how phrases like “this will help you” targets the reader, which is great, but this becomes very repetitive. You continuously state how you are trying to make the reader feel more “comfortable”. I feel your paper could have been better evaluated if you stated how sentence and word structure contributed.